11
Sep
09

Homeless in Cali — Not in Heart

Just an update for anyone that wonders where the hell I have been for the past couple months.  I have been bouncing back and forth between siblings while I search for a job — and as I try to adapt to a new kind of life.  The nest became empty overnight at the end of July.  Spousal unit abandoned the 27 year marriage w/o real warning and took his income with him. I decided that it was better to move out of our rental home rather than to be evicted.  That decision necessitated my sons having to move in w/ their dad……

The break-up was long overdue and though I have been struggling to keep afloat, I know that I am better off in the long run.  It’s hard to redefine your purpose and goals when you have mostly been out of the working world as you work your ass off for years as a SAHM.  I have had a few temporary *nanny* type gigs…. nothing permanent yet on the job front.  Keep sending the positive vibes and prayers…. something has got to give.

I will say that I have been blessed as I take my little dog on my traveling road show.  How bad can it be to be a guest in places like Oceanside (2 blocks from the beach), San Juan Capistrano and Mission Viejo??  It’s beautiful.  It’s a treat to be able to go for walks in places like Dana Strand, Carlsbad and Salt Creek Beach beneath the Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel.  I have lacked for nothing.  Still, there have been tears, frustration, anger and moments of extreme depression.

I haven’t had the access to the web that I had been accustomed to.  I want to apologize to all my good friends ( you four know who you are… =P) whom I haven’t been in regular contact with lately.  I miss you all…. people like Trop, Beth and Syd.  I try to keep informed on what is going on in your world as much as I can.  This is a season in my life and I know it will pass.  Friendships are more important to me than possessions or money.  I will know that my life is getting back on track again when I can renew my contacts with my friends on a basis that isn’t rushed or lacking in substance.

I want to say that the love of my life has sustained and encouraged me like no other.  My love encourages me through all the crap and gives me real hope for the future.  I do have a home…. it is located in the heart of my love.  Love can sustain a soul… true love never fails and has the power to overcome all the trials and disappointments in the world.

9-11 is a day of reflection.  It is a day to count our blessings as we learn to number our days.  It is a huge reminder to take *nothing* for granted.

Pressing on…. KSW.image003

22
Jul
09

Hiatus

By now you are certain to have figured out that I am on a *blob-cation*. It’s not intentional. Since my last post my life has been thrust into upheaval on a couple different fronts; First I am packing up my house for a move necessitated by the fact that the spouse of 27 years decided to abandon our home and his sons. Fine by me. The marriage was over years ago, but we did have an understanding that we would gut it out until our youngest (almost 17) graduated from HS. Anyway, I am scrambling now ( and my brain feels scrambled, too) to pack up and find a job and another place to live………… Secondly ( but really pre-eminent in meaning to me) is the fact that I have fallen rather madly in love. I’m finding it hard to think of anything but the object of my affection. I’m finding it difficult to focus on the daily tasks that I need to accomplish. That being said, finding love at this time has given me hope and boosted my spirits in facing the challenges….. I am amazed and thankful for this unexpected gift. ;)

So, those are my reasons for neglecting this blog…….. way too much going on to take the time to come up with anything creative for my 2 readers. I hope to resume the blog with more gusto and happiness after the dust settles a bit in my personal life.

Thanks for coming by. Wish me luck.

09
Jul
09

You Know You Need a Break

When you are  gripping this hard just to remain horizontal. 

Aye AyeGoing to the beach.  Later peeps.

20
Jun
09

When Offensive…

Seek forgiveness.

I opened my mouth and harm came out.  I posted something on Twitter last night , attempting to elicit humor — I failed.  I made a harsh generality.  Didn’t direct it at a specific person, or even specify a gender…. regardless, I used terms that were harsh, belittling and offensive. 

I would like to blame that second glass of Pinot Noir.  I can’t. 

My conscience started to bother me in the middle of the night.  Sleep was  fitful and fleeting.  Upon waking, I went to my computer and found a message referencing my ill-advised comment.  The comment wasn’t mean. The comment was just a matter of fact rebuttal of my twisted tweet.  Initially, (and too quickly)  I answered back in an attempt to point out that my words were meant as humor.   As the morning progressed, my conscience got louder, clearer, guiltier.  For the record, my conscience has always been extra-sensitive — that being said, age has desensitized many things about me both physical and mental.  Eventually, I made my way back to Twitter, deleted the offending tweet and replaced it with an apology.  I’m not responsible for the answer (if any) from the offended party — I AM required to try and make right a wrong that I bear the responsibility for. 

At the age of 47, I really expect more of myself in terms of judgement and temperance.  Obviously, I still have work to do in those areas.  I hope that I can extend the same forgiveness to others that I seek now.  I do know that I have done what I needed to do in order to right a wrong.  Tonight I will sleep peacefully.  I have satisfied my own heart and head by dealing with (not denying) my error.  

 

09
Jun
09

Smiley Spuds

Tonight I was cooking up some potatoes with dinner….. I sliced the end tip off of one (having detectedPotatoes 003Potatoes 004 what I thought was a bad spot on it) and this is what I found:

06
Jun
09

The Grapes of….

….. Kath. 

Man it’s been a tough week.  Started off that way when I showed my red ass to my long estranged spouse.  I finally let it loose and unleashed 20 + years of pent-up anger on him.  Don’t get me wrong — wasn’t just being a bitch (although I can be very good at it ) I was telling the truth and not pulling any punches.

Then, I received a call from the person I value most in the world…. my best friend, saying that her son (like a nephew to me) was in the ICU with his skull fractured in two places, and bleeding on the brain.  After a night of observation, the dear boy had to undergo brain surgery.  I am happy and relieved to report that it was a TOTAL success and that a complete recovery is expected.  PTL.

Next came a few health issues of my own.  There appear to be complications from my hysterectomy.  My MD feels that I may need to go under the knife one more time to correct those things…. pending the results of a new CT scan.  Also, next week I go back for a 6 month recheck of my biopsied/bionic (has a titanium marker in it) boob.  Have to make sure that there is still no cancer.

Switch back to the home-front —  the spouse decides to abandon the house,  and his dependent son.  He is now in the process of moving out.  I am actually glad that it has transpired this way…. the immediate feeling is of peace and relief in the home.  It’s gonna be a rough summer in many respects, but the tension and dysfunction that had been dominant for years, is being up-rooted and cleared away.  Stuck NO more. Stay tuned for the updates. One foot in front of the other and one moment at a time…. I will make it through and rise above the things that had held me back for so long.

OH, about those grapes.  My late Father had a thing for collecting those acrylic/glass grape clusters that were so much a part of 50’s/60’s pop-culture.  I made sure that when he passed away, I chose to keep a few of my favorite clusters. Pictured is my absolute fave — purple grapes set on a beautiful redwood burl.  They are a as a talisman for me.  I couldn’t possibly wear them, but they have prominence in my home — dated and cheesy as they may be.  I see them as inspiration to have “cojones” in the face of a shit-storm….. I mean, they are *balls* are they not??004

 

28
May
09

Rockin’…

…..chair.

Today I have permission to publicly divulge what I have known since shortly after Mother’s Day — I am going to be a Grandma.  My son and his wife are with child.   It’s a real “miracle.”  They have been married for 7 years and trying the whole time to have a child with absolutely ZERO positive pregnancy tests — EVER.  They had all but given up on the idea of ever being able to have children of their own naturally.  To begin with, my DIL only has only one ovary — a nearly fatal car accident (and corresponding injuries) was responsible for the loss of one.  Further complicating matters was the fact that her one existing ovary was plagued with PCOS. 

My daughter in law has wanted to be a Mom more than anything in life.  She and my son had practically resigned themselves to the fact that adoption would be their only option if they wanted to have a family….. Then, the little miracle.  When they told me, I was absolutely thrilled out of my mind screaming (WOOHOOOOO) and crying for joy.  Crying, because I had given up hope, too.  Crying because I knew what this meant to the two of them. 

And now I am to be a Grammie for the first time.  I am so unbelievably and profoundly thrilled and grateful.  Still, I need some help — Is there a sexy sounding term for Grandma?? If there is, I must find it.  Suggestions solicited and much appreciated.  HereGrand-baby is the first photo of the most beautiful baby in the world.  =D




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